exsequar: (SN Bros love the whole of you)
I have to make a reaction post, because this is the first time in a long time Supernatural has left me with hearts in my eyes. Episode 18, "Point of No Return", for future reference!

HE WINKED. HE WINKED AT SAM!!!!

Also: EROTICALLY CODEPENDENT. BWAHAHAHAHA.

Hee, okay, just needed to get that out. I'm still a SamnDean girl - I think it's engraved in my bones, at this point. So naturally those are the things that stick out, and honestly why this episode did leave me with hearts in my eyes.

So we'll rewind to the precipitating moment, when Dean told Sam he doesn't trust him to say no. Um. I completely agree with Maureen over at The Watcher - that was completely projection. What reason has Sam given Dean not to trust him recently? The whole Ruby thing was a loooong time ago, and it seems to me that Sam has done nothing but prove his loyalty and steadfastness for a while now. (Well, passively - they really haven't given Sam much to do, too busy having a circlejerk about their oh-so-tortured main man, Dean.) This episode, in how it worked for me, highlighted just why the show has NOT been working for me for a while. They've made Sam a piece on the mantel of Dean's emo, and it's been very frustrating and imbalanced. I LOVE Sammy, and it feels like ever since his fuckup (he was TRYING to do good! why does no one ever remember that? he was lacking critical intel!) he's been sitting in the corner like a kicked puppy. I've been sort of passively angry at Dean for not forgiving him for a while, but when Dean told Sam he doesn't trust him to say no? I'm like, FUCK YOU, Dean, Sam has shown no indications of being weak and saying yes to Lucifer (except for in that constructed future which I feel was just Zachariah messing with your head), while you're the one everyone is completely worried about saying yes to Michael. It just seems like a distrust that is completely disconnected from reality, and it sucks.

But the show shocked me by not leaving it there, but instead letting SAM be the mature one, sweeping in to save my heart by showing TRUST and LOVE. At the end of the scene where he told Dean he was letting him come, there was that pause and I was chanting "Because you're my brother because you're my brother!" and Sam said "Because you're still my big brother." AND I SQUEALED. YES. THAT. THIS. YESSSS. It's been a very, very long time since Supernatural had an emotionally cathartic moment like that for me. And it felt SO GOOD. The whole scene was so lovely - Dean was being cynical and mean, and Sam just sat there and kept hammering him with even-keeled LOVE and TRUST. "No, you won't. When push shoves, you'll make the right call." My heart grew TWENTY SIZES because yes yes YES these are the Winchesters I love! And even when Dean is fighting tooth and nail to stay estranged and distrustful and opposed, Sam just calmly turns it on its head. You're still my big brother. And hi, that was my heart.

And can I just mention that I love how the camera takes a moment to pull back, literally bringing Dean into frame just before Sam re-affirms their bond? Gorgeous.

But! That's not even close to all of it! THERE'S MORE OMG. So Dean goes in, determined to be an asshole (I don't really understand his reasoning WRT Sam and Lucifer - is he preemptively saying Yes to Michael for that nebulous, undefined future when Sam gets seduced and also says Yes? In the meantime, what good does it do? Oh right, it lets Dean commit suicide and not have to deal with the world anymore. More than a little selfish, really.) and even Castiel believes he will be an asshole. Dean looks a little pouty at that but doesn't change his mind. So he says yes, blah blah, Zachariah is entertaining, blah blah, Sam and Adam puke up a lot of blood :(, AND THEN DEAN LOOKS AT SAM. AND THAT'S ENOUGH. *flaps* Literally, the magic of Sam's FACE was enough to snap Dean out of it. And then he smiles, slowly and beautifully, and WINKS, AHHHHH! HE WINKED. HE WINKED!!!! Even moving past how fucking hot that is, the wink signifies that the Winchesters are back in this TOGETHER. It's conspiratorial, it's us-against-the-world, and it's a complete about face. I LOVE IT SO MUCH YAY.

Then Dean keels Zachariah! Which makes me sadface, not gonna lie, because he was vastly entertaining. Bye Zachariah. :( But you went down in the name of Winchesterlove, so it was a good death!

I'm sad that Adam didn't get out of the room, but do you know WHY he didn't? Because Dean was helping SAM! The fact that this is something to get excited about is actually really depressing, because it's a strong indicator of how fucked their relationship is - even earlier in this episode, after Castiel beat the shit out of Dean, Sam didn't even run over to help him or check on him or anything, and that's where their relationship was and it hurt my HEART - but now they're back to something approximating normal! Aka COMPLETELY EROTICALLY CODEPENDENT YAY!!!!

AND DEAN'S APOLOGY AHHHHHH! I guess what it took to shake him out of his angry, bitter, self- and Sam-destructive funk was Sam showing him LOVE and TRUST, and bucketloads of it! I love that he LOOKED at Sam and couldn't let that down. Actually couldn't! My heart! THE BOYS ARE BACK IN TOWN!!!!!!!

Yes this was a super Sam and Dean-centric reaction, but you know what? I am super Sam and Dean centric. I yearn for the days when it was just these dudes in a car. I really do. Adam was fantastic, major props to the actor (he has strong echoes of Jensen, in facial structure and voice - great casting). Castiel - I just don't have strong feelings about him. Love Misha, but Castiel is just - there. Sorry! But I definitely don't hate him. I thought the carved symbol in his chest was bad ASS. I'm sure we'll see him again. And Bobby was heartbreaking, when he told Dean that the only reason he doesn't kill himself each day is because he promised not to let them down. My heart! ;__; I do love that Bobby's just kept on being his awesome self, even in a wheelchair, because we all knew he COULD, we just weren't sure if the show would let him. Thumbs up on that, show.

Now this development gives me hope that I will actually enjoy the rest of the season. I've obviously kept watching constantly for the last three years, but it's no secret that Supernatural hasn't gotten me where I live since season 2. Oh, it's had its moments, but the Winchesters are why I'm here, yo, and this season particularly that dynamic has really, really gone by the wayside. It just - hasn't been important, for whatever reason. And that makes me sad. But maybe we're finally going to get back to the beating heart of this show - Sam and Dean love each other, dammit, to the ends of the earth. Yay. ♥____♥

(Maureen Ryan expressed everything I'm feeling with a lot more eloquence than I, so everyone should go read her post, because it makes a lot of good points.)

And since this is 100 EPISODES, I think I have to say something - so, Supernatural. Hi. We're old, old friends. I have had a more intense relationship with you than with most people in my life. You have made me believe in the power of love; you have ripped out my heart and stomped on it (IN THE BEST WAY); you have made me laugh til I peed myself; and you have betrayed me, many times over. You have veered from what made me love you in the first place, and I can't count the number of times I've said "Supernatural, I wish I knew how to quit you." But I didn't quit you, because you were such a core part of my life for TWO YEARS. You are by no means perfect, and I will never stop thinking of My Show as seasons 1 and 2, something entirely separate. But they were exquisite. And so are Jared and Jensen. Sam and Dean. Everything else aside, you have been pretty important to me. So a tip of the hat to you, Supernatural. I love you, even when you kind of suck.



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