As reality comes crashing in

[exsequar]

I feel vaguely nauseous. I got the characterizing spectra back on my FINAL PRODUCTS, that is, the ones I worked ALL SUMMER to make, and NONE of them look great. Some of them look decent, albeit with significant impurity, but others aren't even the right material. I'm so frustrated and upset and I can't believe I have to spend the rest of my year on this project. I am already sick of it, and I have to write a thesis? Ughhh. I am so so so SO SO SO glad I have a path that isn't chemistry ahead of me, because if I had to do this shit for the rest of my life I would be fucking MISERABLE.

Phew. Got that out. There's no one online for me to vent to so you're it, trusty flist.

I went and bought textbooks today. OUCH. Three books = $380. Oh holy god. But then I looked online and I found a book I had bought for $160 at the price of $92, so I ordered that one with expedited shipping and I'm going to return the other one. So I'll get about 70 dollars back. BUT STILL. It's such a painful thing, especially after I didn't buy ANY books in Dublin, NOT ONE, since they were all in the library for me to use whenever I needed.

SIGH AMERICA. There goes my birthday money.

This semester I'm taking a class called Language In Cinema to fill my arts requirement. I'm quite excited for it, because it will be an easy class to balance out my horrifyingly hard double/triple load of chemistry, and it will also just be fun! Movies! Writing about movies! My textbook has Bruce Willis in Sin City on the cover! Awesome.

For next semester, I need to fill my Non-Western requirement, my last math minor requirement, and Physics 2 for my major. So completely different from this semester. Easier, though, hopefully, since that's when I'll be writing my *gulp* THESIS.

While I'm talking about it, here's my schedule for the semester:

Advanced Biochemistry: TTh 9-10:20 AM, LAB W 12:30-4:20
Analytical Chemistry: MWF 11-12 AM, LAB F 12:30-4:20
Language In Cinema: MWF 10-11 AM, SCREENING M 7-10

Then I have my independent research project and my job. The former will happen whenever I have time, probably largely on the weekends, and the latter is 10 hours during the week, probably Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday afternoons. Luckily I love my job cataloging books at the library, so that's not too bad. THEN there's choir which I really want to do again, and Oxfam which I'd love to be involved in again, and...

Oh dear, I'm going to explode aren't I? >.< I told my dad I was nervous about school starting up again because I'd have no time to BREATHE, and he was so puzzled because college was so laid back for him. He was a philosophy major and probably did no extracurriculars. SIGH. I wish >.<

Ugh, I can already feel the stress starting like a little worm in my stomach. I want to go back to Dublin :(

Right about now is the time I start getting the I can't do this stress. Which is utterly ridiculous. My dad expressed no little surprise that I still feel that way, given what I KNOW I can and have achieved in any number of challenging academic situations. But. I don't know. It's not a very healthy thing but I don't think I WOULD do so well if I didn't doubt myself and thus push myself so hard.

SOMEONE HOLD ME D:

Comments

[iamsupernova.livejournal.com]

Auohsufdsfhs expensive textbook pain, I feel yours. I've been to the school bookstore twice already, I've already spent $160, and I still have to spend at least another $190. D: D: D:

[immoralilly.livejournal.com]

*holds*

I know that feeling. I also know that you are AWESOME and you always manage to cope. :D

[clayeer.livejournal.com]

*HOLD* I now how frustrating those chemistry things can be. Not from personal experience or anything but from my best friend who is doing the same course as you. She's been working as a research assistant over the summer and there were days where she would freak out because something she had worked on for three weeks got infected with yeast or something. And she LIKES chemistry.

Stress can be a motivator but don't let it get you down. Deep down you know you can do it! And Dublin misses you too ;_______;

[darksylvia.livejournal.com]

Ugh, the prices of text books are always so fucking ridiculous! STUDENTS ARE POOR, PEOPLE.

I actually think college is pretty much where you learn to deal with stress. I didn't do it as well as I do now before I'd gone.

*holds you*

[trinity_clare]

The other day I found a textbook that was worth $100 for $12 COUNTING SHIPPING. HECK YES. (And it has a picture from Wicked on the cover. God I love being a theatre major.)

[modillian.livejournal.com]

Yes, sad days for books and theses. I'm looking to spend about a hundred a textbook too. :( Also, two days a week I have classes going from 7:30-9:30am and then the next block is 4-6pm. Do. Not. Want.

Your art class sounds cool though. (Think happy thoughts)