How wrong we were to think that immortality meant never dying

[exsequar]

Thank you so so so much to everyone who loved up on me in the Love Meme. I had tears streaming down my face, no lie. I usually steer completely clear of those kinds of things (there's too much potential for hurt feelings in addition to all the love, and it just feels too high school) but since it just HAPPENED, I'm all verklempt. You guys are awesome, seriously ♥

And now I want to say something.

Okay. Here's the thing. There are four hundred people that have this journal friended. Seriously. FOUR HUNDRED. That number is just. Ridiculous and I can't quite wrap my head around it. I know that probably half of those people have filtered me out long ago, or don't use LJ anymore, or whatever, but that still leaves a fuckton of people with their eyes at least glancing over this journal on a regular basis. And yet the amount of comments I receive has seemed to stay more or less steady at around 5-10 per entry for at least the last couple years. And this makes me feel kind of weird and uncomfortable. It has two dimensions - for one thing, I feel sometimes like I'm just kind of yelling out into a black void and my words are getting swallowed up. For another, it also feels like I'm in a goldfish bowl, with everyone kind of hovering around and able to see me, but not reaching in an interacting. It's weird and a little bit out of control.

I think I let it get to this point because I never stopped treating this journal as something temporary. When I got my LJ, it was just kinda like, oh this will be fun, but I didn't think it would become an integral part of my life like it really has. I've had this journal for 3 years and a month, now. That's a long time in my young life. And I've been something of a fandom butterfly, flitting back and forth and hither and yon and piling up friends but never really fully leaving a fandom, and I don't think I can let it get much further.

And here is where I admit my shameful secret - I read on filters. I know, it's terrible, but if anyone says to me they could totally keep up with 518 journals, well, I'd tell them they were a liar. Not to mention I've lost interest in a lot of what those journals have to say. And I know it's somehow not kosher to let people friend you and not friend them back, but what else am I supposed to do?? If I friended everyone who has me friended, that would be over SIX HUNDRED journals. o.O That's just not realistic. So more often than not nowadays, I don't friend back. I feel kind of bad, but there's nothing else I can do! This is the reason I could never go friends only, and I really don't understand people who DO go friends only. If you go that route, doesn't it mean you pretty much have to friend everyone who wants to friend you, and then either read their journals or read on filters, which is ANOTHER faux pas? It's a catch-22! I hate friending etiquette, I really do, because it always feels like you're doing something wrong.

So all of this is to say - I think I'm going to do a pretty significant friends cut. I apologize profusely in advance if I hurt anyone's feelings, and I know it's going to be hard, but I just have to do it. Feel free to defriend me, honestly, I'm declaring defriending amnesty right now. And if you have anything to say to me about all of the above, please do! Maybe I'm being a bitch with this post? Idk! Please tell me if I am, because I hate being a bitch /o\

Good thing I'm home early and have no plans for the evening... this is gonna take a while -_-

Comments

[rorylareina.livejournal.com]

You're totally not being a bitch--that number is insane. I must say, I am notoriously bad at leaving comments for people, so here I am leaving you a little love. :-)

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

I'm not super fab at the commenting thing either, so it's probably hypocritical of me to complain about it. Meh. Hi there! :)

[givesyouhell.livejournal.com]

Holy crap, 600 journals? That's insane, I'd never read them either. And I'm mostly friends only, but only because there are a few certain people I don't want to have the privilege of spying on me, that's all. I'll add anyone who wants to be added. Which I can do, because I only have 75 journals to read instead of 400 or whatever you have. I don't think this post is bitchy, I'd have filtered people out by now, too. Actually, I've never filtered people out, when I get sick of them I just cut them, which doesn't happen too often, but I still feel kind of bitchy when I do it. So, hey, you're way less bitchy than I am! :)

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

It's probably more bitchy to filter people out than cutting them. It gives the impression that I'm still reading their journal when, um, I'm not :-/ Which is why this is long overdue!

[givesyouhell.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I'm pretty sure a bunch of people on my flist are filtering me out, hahaha. I really wish those people would just cut me. I can totally take it, I'm a big girl!

[fayemeadows.livejournal.com]

Hi! I'd like to stay if possible but I totally understand if I don't make the cut. :D

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Oh, this was not a call for people to say if they wanted to stay! If you're around and commenting and, let's face it, in bandom, you're staying. This is mostly cutting out people that I friended two or three years ago and have absolutely nothing in common with anymore! No worries hon :)

[fayemeadows.livejournal.com]

Oh, yay! :D

[sorchasilver.livejournal.com]

Hmmm, I don't think using filters is a faux pas. I filter a lot of stuff off to avoid spoilers, and it works for me. I've been completely upfront about it, and I've only ever seen one person bitch about the fact that I was filtering their LJ out (and I didn't care because they had stated that they would not cut for spoilers so screw'em! *g*) To me, filters are just a tool to help manage the LJ experience, and I know a lot of people on my flist use them for posting and reading.

As for reading your LJ and not responding, yeah, I'm sorry. I've been skimming past a lot of your entries for a bit, mostly because I'm not into bandom and a lot of your squee is about that these days and I have nothing to say :(. I like having you on my flist, and I'm not gonna defriend you, but I do feel like I used to comment to you a lot more. And I don't really know what to do about that.

I do think your flist cut is a good idea, I have no idea how anyone manages to handle a flist that size, and I hope you find the pared-down flist easier to handle.

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Well, that's a totally logical reason to use filters - to be honest, my reason is more along the lines of, I have far too many journals to read, but I don't want to be mean and cut people, and also I haven't taken the TIME to cut people, so I'll just filter them out instead. It's a pretty awful system and that's why this cut is long overdue. But now I'm going to use filters to divide things up into topics so I can easily keep up and keep track of what I've already checked!

Dude, no need to be sorry. I'm amazed that there's anyone not into bandom who's still got me on their flist, because it's like all I talk about and it's definitely not everyone's cup of tea. I'm quite flattered that you've kept me around, to be honest! Don't worry about not commenting, seriously :)

I have just managed to MAJORLY trim the flist back. It's such a load off!

[sorchasilver.livejournal.com]

I find filters really useful - I have set my default one to the non-spoilery, but also have a people filter for LJs that are all the individual people I talk to, a comms one that just has all my comms, and one for each of my fandoms. (FYI, you are on the default and people filters).

Hey, I like seeing your squee, even if I can't share it, and your RL posts are always interesting and fun, so I wouldn't ever want to cut you.

And I'm really flattered that while cutting your flist back to manageable levels you also added me. *hugs* It was a lovely surprise this morning, and completely unexpected.

[pau494.livejournal.com]

So, hi! Insane numbers, dude. INSANE. I think doing a friends cut is the logical thing to do if you want to keep your own sanity! You aren't being a bitch at all!

[walking-paradox.livejournal.com]

Firstly, SIX HUNDRED?! Wow O_o

Secondly, you are so not a bitch! I think the decision you've made is a really reasonable one. I've always thought friending etiquette is a really screwed up thing :P

That being said, I really hope I will be left on the new FL. I know I haven't been at my commenting best lately but exams have been eating my brain in the past month, but they are over now and I really really like your posts and this is probably a time to end this sentence so yeah :P

[torturedwriter7.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry I don't comment, but it's usually because I talk to you via AIM. That, and I guess since I decided I'm going to go get a new shiny journal, I've kind of ignored my commenting duties, and only do so when I feel the strong need to do so.

As for friending etiquette, I don't friend everyone who friends me and I am one of those crazy friends-only people. That's mostly because: A) my journal consists almost entirely of personal entries, 2) I'm not hugely into fandom, and C) we've discussed my paranoia already, methinks. Does that make me a bitch? Probably. But it's my journal, my decision, my rules. Y'know? *Shrugs*

Anyways. Good luck with the friends cut! Plz keep me until I get a new journal? I ♥ reading about your adventures and fandom squealings. And, of course, I ♥ you, too. :P

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Don't be sorry, miss thang :) I love talking to you, always and forever, and I value that loads more than comments! *hugs* And don't be silly, I would never get rid of you. You're stuck with me! *pokes*

Friends only journals don't make people bitches! I just don't quite understand the logistics of it. But it's very different when you're not as immersed in fandom!

[pushingyouaway.livejournal.com]

...*blink*

that is a LOT of journals. you're not being crazy or bitchy at ALL. you're being SANE

*cookies*

but i'm still gonna keep you =P

[candidlily.livejournal.com]

I read on filters, too. I felt bad about it at first, but I realized quickly that when I stopped being active in the Smallville fandom, a rather large portion of my flist from that fandom filtered me out. So I basically made a poll that asked people to respond if they were seeing that entry. And then I made filters with those people on them. It seemed fair to me. I still go through some of the journals of other friends occasionally, but not daily as I do the rest.

All that to say, I see exactly where you're coming from. Good luck narrowing it down.

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Yeah, when I drifted out of Supernatural fandom that left a lot of people friended who weren't interested in me and whom I wasn't interested in anymore. That's kind of the main thing that this cut is accomplishing, completing my movement away from taht fandom. It kind of makes me sad, but eh, what can you do.

[inlipstickred.livejournal.com]

i don't think there's anything wrong with not adding everyone who adds you. something like 300 journals have me friended and i think i only have about half of them friended back. i suck at commenting as it is, so i can't let my flist get TOO unwieldy or i'd end up never commenting ANYONE. plus, i have a lot of people (as i'd imagine you do also) who friended me without ever saying anything, so i definitely don't feel obligated to add them back. i don't care if people lurk on my journal; i friendslock anything personal and the rest of it is just fangirlish nonsense anyway, so if people want to read it, well, they're silly but if's fine with me! XD

i used to filter people off of my default list, but i don't bother anymore. if i find people boring or assy i just cut them. i don't see the point in keeping them otherwise and it feels fake to have them added but filtered out. that's just me, tho; i'm sure it varies wildly among eljayers.

in any event, i'd love to stay, but absolutely no hard feelings if not! you gotta do what you gotta do. ♥

[inlipstickred.livejournal.com]

also! idk how you do your filtering, but one thing that helps me is that the absolute only comms i have on my default list are ones i maintain, so i can keep an eye on them. that way when i look at my flist, it's all entries from actual people i know. then i filter the comms by subject, so if i want to catch up on bandom news or look for new icons or whatever, it's easy to find what i'm looking for.

you may already be doing this but i thought i'd throw it out there anyway. it saves my life, lol.

and this icon is not meant to be bitchy; it's just my only lj-meta icon and i don't use it enough! XD (altho it's super-handy in news posts!)

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Well, it is kind of bitchy to have people friended but filtered out, but there's this whole other aspect of my dilemma that I didn't even mention in my post. I have to friends lock a lot of fandom content, because my little sister has taken to reading my journal since I got her into Supernatural and then Panic and MCR. So anything where I blatantly mention slash or link fic or swear a lot, I have to lock. Therefore I feel bad defriending people who are in bandom or whatever because that's cutting them out of a lot of my fandom posts. It's kind of a sucky position, and I wish I could selectively filter my sister out of things, but it doesn't work that way :-/

And dude, you are so sticking around, what are you talking about ♥

[go-gentle.livejournal.com]

You have 500 people friended? Wow. That is a lot of journals. I generally assume that anyone with over 200 or so friends is doing a lot of their reading on filters, because there are only so many hours in a day, you know? Knowing that people read on filters doesn't bother me at all, especially if people are upfront about it.

About comments, what's true for me (and maybe other people as well) is that there are lots of people I like reading, but feel like I don't know well enough to, say, leave comments on posts about their personal life or whatever. So I tend not to comment because I don't want to intrude. (I realize that 'intruding' is hard to define on the internet, but I'm talking about my gut feeling and not what makes good logical sense.)

[erode.livejournal.com]

BITCH, CUT ME AND I WILL CUT YOU D:


i still think that's an INSANE amount of friends. ANNE. stop being so stupidly charming, you little social butterfly you.

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

BITCH CALL ME BITCH AND I WILL CUT JOO!!! XP

Insane indeed! But dude, those have piled up for THREE YEARS. There are people on there from when I was in QUEER AS FOLK. I've never done a flist cut before. Failboat, Anne /o\

I don't mean to be charming! Ugh. MOAR FAILBOAT. D:

[ruedifference.livejournal.com]

No worries, dear. It's your journal and you should do what makes you happy. Period.

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Thanks hon <3

[redbrickrose.livejournal.com]

You are not being a bitch! I think a lot of people read on filters. And you aren't obligated to friend back everyone who friends you - most people don't, from what I can tell, and frequently it *is* a maintaining-sanity issue. I could never keep up with that many journals. I only have about 160 on my flist and it's still overwhelming sometimes. LJ and fandom should be fun, sweetie. I totally understand how it gets stressful, but you do what you need to do. People make flist cuts all the time. I know that doesn't make it easier, but seriously, I don't think anyone will hold it against you.

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks miss :)

[thefirstpromise.livejournal.com]

Dude, what the hell? Holy shit, doing a friends cut is the SMART thing to do at this point. I think it's the only decision you could make without eventually going crazy.

I hate friending etiquette as well. I friend anyone who adds me, but that's mostly because I have a tiny tiny little journal that no one knows about, so it's easy.

Also, I think filtering is fine. I wish I could filter some real life people, it would definitely make my life a little more fun. There's no possible way to read all those journals. That's like if I had to talk to every one in my school every day, it's just not rational.

long comment beware! hehe :)

[dove95.livejournal.com]

I so know what you're saying about feeling like you're speaking to a void. Even the percentage of having only five people comment when you have 91 friends (like myself), it feels similar. I've done a poll just to see if anyone even reads my LJ but they just don't know what to say/don't feel like commenting, and I'd say a good portion of my LJ friends are like that. And, not tooting my own horn, but it's not from a lack of interest... they just generally don't comment. I don't get that. I mean, I comment on every entry that I can, when I can... no matter WHO reads me, because I know the importance of communication.

Granted, 500 friends *is* A LOT, so basically I recommend that you seriously and in no-harm-intended way trim it down to a number of people that you're genuinely interested in reading about and who you know are interested in what you have to say as well. That's my two cents about that.

I know I suck at regularly commenting in your LJ, but I am reading about your ventures and think you've got the whole world ahead of you. That said, I can completely understand if I'm one of the numbers you cut from list. No foul done, and if I ever see you again at another WinCon, it's no biggie...I'll still treat you the same :)

I'm not going to be one of those people who say that I think writing this type of entry is wrong (some people do it out of attention; some people do it because they like to see people beg to be left on), but I think your point is important... especially voicing for the rest of us when we want to feel validated and acknowledged once in a while.

Either way you decide with me, I always wish you well!

Re: long comment beware! hehe :)

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

There's not a lot of room for me to talk, regarding the commenting thing. I mean, I do comment, but not on everything - it takes enough time to get through my flist just skimming through! So it's probably dumb of me to complain, and I think it's very admirable that you do that.

I am so glad that I finally decided to do this cut. It's LONG overdue, and will make everything just so much more manageable and less guilt-laden.

I must confess that I'm very surprised that you're still reading my journal. That's very sweet of you.

I was definitely not posting this to get people to ask to stay on, not at ALL, and I was in fact surprised when a couple people commented to that effect. If people are around and we communicate pretty much at all, they are STAYING. This is about getting rid of people that I don't even remember having on my flist, much less interact with on a regular basis. It's just... a garage cleaning, if that's not an awful analogy, heh. I hope this doesn't come across as a cry for attention though!

Thank you for such a lovely comment :)

Re: long comment beware! hehe :)

[dove95.livejournal.com]

I know I'm so delayed in replying back to this, but hey, that's what Sunday is for!

I think the reason I still read you is because I did meet you briefly at Wincon and you were nice. To me, unless we're just drastically different personalities with drastically different interests, I'll usually keep people I've met in RL friended.

But as far as I can see you're still warm and into Supernatural and relationship stuff. While I'm sure you've noticed I don't follow bandom, I'm still noseying in the other stuff :)

[musictoyourlips.livejournal.com]

That is an insane number of journals to keep up with, and I totally understand if you feel the need to defriend me. I pretty much just fail at commenting for anything, but I am totally still reading your entries. And of course, I love our IM conversations. ♥

[exsequar.livejournal.com]

Oh, sweetie. Don't be silly. *huggles*

[saturnalia.livejournal.com]

Man, I totally understand- I could never keep up with that many journals, even if I did nothing else.

[arsenicjade.livejournal.com]

Yeah, trust me, I was super wary of trying that out, but I just had to, I really did. I'm glad seeing that it turned out well for a lot of people and I'm hoping that there aren't a bunch of people somewhere all bummed out about it.

And dude, my friends of list is smaller than yours and I still filter.

[neverneverfic.livejournal.com]

oh reading filters, the eternal debate. i used to autofriend and then read on filters. now i pretty much refuse to filter and would prefer that people cut me rather than filter me (which is to say feel free to cut me if you've been filtering, i'd prefer it that way)

to me a lack of filters feels more honest, but ymmv.

i feel like i'm in a perpetual state of friendscutting lately because of having a new fandom and feeling all shiny about it and wanting new friends but then not knowing who to get rid of. ack.

[mybabyangel.livejournal.com]

600 journals?? Good god. I don't know how anyone could keep up with that. I have enough trouble with ~100. Anyway, I hope you don't defriend me, but if you do, I'll completely understand. :)

[heartbroken-red.livejournal.com]

I'd like to hang around, if that's ok. I know I'm one of the newbies and I totally understand if you cut me, but yeah. I kinda like it here. :)

And I'm one of those people who are friends only, and here's my take on it: I do it because I don't particularly want a million people friending me. I like having a small group of people and I don't apologise for it at all. I see my journal as kind of an open letter to my friends, rather than to the entire internet, so I'm ok with friendslocking everything. I know it's not for everyone, but it works for me. Just my two cents. :)

[affectations.livejournal.com]

That's not bitchy at all, I understand your reasons for doing a friends cut. And wow that is a lot of journals, I have a hard time keeping up with my flist which is way smaller than yours. I just wanted to sad that eventhough I've sucked at commenting lately, I do enjoy reading all your entries, your RL ones and drunk posts and your bandom posts full of squee. :D And the few times we've talked on MSN were really awesome.