one more miracle

Well that was a productive (if sweaty! it's SO HOT AND HUMID, ugggh) errand trip! I got a tank of gas (only 2.65 a gallon! That's the best I've seen in... well, since long before I had a car!), a birthday present for my friend Rob (The Dangerous Book For Boys - it looks fun :D), birthday card and wrapping paper, a book for myself (The Canon by Natalie Angier, I can't wait to read it), pork tenderloin for dinner, and various and sundry groceries to tide me over for the next four days (!!!) before I leave. Woohoo! \o/

Here's your daily dose of Panic! adorable. Look at their wee faces! I just want to pinch Brendon's cheeks, and play with all their hair, and lick right in the vee of Ryan's tshirt... :D And for once Jon and Spencer are doing the touching! You go boys! <3

Change is a daunting thing - scary, strange, sometimes sad, often exciting. And I have reached a point of extreme change in my life, which I had not quite fully realized until last night and tonight, when I had long, wonderful dinners with two good friends and talked and talked. And talked. And then realized I would not be seeing them for a very long time - in one case, perhaps ever again. As the bitter icing on the cake, Awesome Roommate left tonight - and I won't see him again, except perhaps briefly when I come back to college to visit before I jet off to Ireland.

It is, as AR said, "The end of an era."

This summer has been a milestone in my young life - for the first time, I was completely independent (well, almost completely. Near as makes no never mind). I had a full time job (one that required actual skill!), I was paying my own rent on my own apartment, I had a car and experienced the joys of car repairs, I had to feed myself 3 times a day, 7 days a week. Clearly I am not the first person to experience this, but it's huge to me - not being dependent on anyone was a terrifying thought not months ago, and here I am. I survived (quite well, barring some... incidents early on :P) and I have become my own, autonomous person. During the first few weeks I was here, I called my dad literally every day, sometimes multiple times, for advice or help or just to talk to him because I missed him like an arm. Now I call him maybe once a week, and it's still wonderful and totally makes my day, but I don't need to anymore. And it kind of astonishes me to realize that. I've sort of grown up while I wasn't looking. I clearly have a long way to go, but this has been a big and important step.

But now that's over. In 5 days, I'll be going back home, and I'll once again be under the care of others. And THEN, in less than two months (!!!), I fly to a foreign country to live for a year. My mind still cannot wrap around this concept! It's a bit easier now that I've had this summer of autonomy, but it's still scary and exhilarating and I absolutely can't wait.

However, the consequence (and it is a huge one) is this - all of my friends who are a year older than me will have graduated when I get back. And it's not like I get back soon after, so they might still be around - I'll be getting back almost two months after graduation, so all my friends will have scattered to the winds. It's a sobering thought. Here at college, there's no clear lines between classes, like there is in high school. There's just a friendly mishmash of ages and backgrounds and all kinds of things, and running in the Oxfam crowd has gotten me some truly incredible older friends who I look up to and admire and adore. Several of them are already gone - I miss Layne, Atilla, Marisa, and Keely terribly. And since I am vanishing for a year, even more will be gone when I return - Jake (Awesome Roomie!!), Thomas, Laura, Jesse. Just. GONE. And I have become so used to them being daily presences in my life at school, I'm finding it hard to face that so many warm, friendly faces that I've shared such great times with are just going to be... not there anymore. I'm crying as I write this because it's really hitting me - this is the end of something big. These people will never be a part of my life on a regular basis again. And I took them for granted, I didn't appreciate the precious time I had, and now I regret it because. It's over! I can barely process that I am halfway through college, and it seems like senior year is almost going to be completely alien because so much familiarity will be gone. I'm scared of that, scared and sad and regretful. I'm glad that I've met so many fantastic people, but I wish I had more time with them. Could college go on forever? Please? That would be great.

*sigh* So. Yeah. It's all quite overwhelming. I was so preoccupied with my excitement about going to Dublin that I didn't stop to think about the ramifications. They're pretty huge.

It sounds like the world is ending out there! It is currently thundering so hard it sounds like Zeus is fucking pissed and decided to take his rage out on some mountains; lightninging so brightly it hurt my eyes when I looked out to see if I could see any bolts; and raining so hard it sounds like a waterfall has sprung up in my alley. FUCKING INSANE, MAN. And this has been coming for a while - I first heard a loooong rolling thunder right before I went to bed, three hours ago. We must be right in the heart of it now, but jesus, what a huge storm!

SO COOL.

I'm so sad I'm on the first floor and can see practically none of the sky. I LOVE watching thunderstorms. When I was a kid, my bedroom was in the attic of our four story house, so I would sit at the window in the middle of the night and watch with wide eyes as lightning forked down above Connecticut. It was GORGEOUS. One of my favorite childhood memories.

(Uh oh, there went another mountain!)

I don't know why you don't all yell at me when I get worked up like that. "ANNE YOU'RE BEING A DRAMA QUEEN," you should shout. "IT WILL BE FINE. STOP IT." Because it's always true! And this thing was a blip on the stress-dar, as far as these things go. When I start freaking out about my Honors Thesis defense, then it will be justified, but everything else, bitchslap me, alright?

In short, it went fine. A trickle of about 5 or 6 professors came by and asked questions, none too terribly challenging, and I handled myself fine. Dr. Thomsen and Dr. Brewer were a bit intimidating, but they actually both had really interesting ideas to contribute, so that was cool. Dr. Mehl, the scary one? Um. He kind of charmed my pants off (or skirt, actually). He was very sweet and just curious about the gist of my project, which I could totally handle, and when I mentioned I was going to Dublin for the year he gave me a blindingly beautiful smile. And. Um. I don't know if it's just this context? That he's really nice in? But er. I had him pegged rather incorrectly. Oops!

So all is well! It's Friday! I'm home! Ryan needs to sing all the time! It's Friday! YAY!

ETA: Hahahaha I JUST remembered that Dr. Mehl's first name is - you guessed it - RYAN. Haaaaa. This is hilarious. And I may have a mini crush on him now. WHAT.

Speaking of inappropriate crushes, I may or may not get a little frisson every time I see my organic chemistry teacher. YEAH THE FIFTY SOMETHING ONE WITH TWO DAUGHTERS. THAT ONE. *hides face*

So during the LJ Blackout of DOOM, I spent my time watching YouTube videos of Panic! and TAI, because my computer crashed and lost all my loaded fic tabs, WOE. :( This is the piled up commentary that I typed into my Xjournal program over the course of last night, and now I share it with you lucky folks *g*

OH. OH. LIGHTBULB.

PETE WENTZ AND PATRICK STUMP = SIRIUS BLACK AND REMUS LUPIN

Y/Y/Y????

Because, see, Pete and Sirius are both dark and mercurial and mischievous and unpredictable and attention whores and slightly frightening yet also ridiculous. And Patrick and Remus are both a bit withdrawn, very intelligent, sweet, kind, reasonable, and can't figure out for the life of them why they are in love with friends in love with their respective ridiculous counterparts.

SEE HOW IT IS PERFECT?

As a karmic sign that my idea is the best thing ever, and also the God's Honest Truth, about 20 seconds after I had my EPIPHANY, Pete said in the interview I was watching "Maybe Harry Potter's real." SEE?

ftw. \o/

Now I either want fic where Pete and Patrick (and Joe Troh and Andy, of course, who are actually a wee bit parallel to James and Peter, though not so much the latter) are at Hogwarts stirring up trouble, OR fic where the Marauders are a pop punk band complete with emo hair and eyeliner. SERIOUSLY. Nngh.

ALSO, Brendon Urie's mannerisms and smile are strikingly similar to Dave's (aka Cute Coworker) and it's really kind of throwing me o.O I love it, but so weird! He does this bashful laugh down at his lap, and the full grin is so beautiful and happy. Aww. (Whenever I crush on a guy, I completely fixate on his smile. It's definitely a Thing.)

Asflksdfjs on their UK tour in 06, Panic! shared a tour bus with TAI! *whimpers* William/Ryan/Brendon, YESPLZ.

ALSO ALSO, after LJ came back up, I read the Best Bandslash Fic Ever (and it's only the second one I've read! it's all downhill from here... *g*) which read exactly like Shoebox in style and humor and had me clutching my sides with laughter through the whole thing. Basically William Beckett is a big old slut who will not have Ryan Ross taking his boytoy targets, no sirree! This is WAR! And I die, the end.

Just one quote, because I could seriously quote the whole thing:

"I didn't really mean it," William said. "I was drinking at the time."

"We've talked about this before. For 'I was drinking at the time,' to be an excuse, there really has to be a time when you're not drinking. Otherwise it's like saying you did it because it was Tuesday."

Ahahaha. AWESOME. I Will Destroy Ryan Ross and All That He Loves: A Cautionary Tale by jae_w. READ IT :D

In conclusion, William Beckett have my babies. Because you are far more feminine than I.