one more miracle

*YAAAAAAAAAAAAAWN*

I have spent all day studying for this bloody test. And by studying, I mean working on the six multipart problems he gave us, 3 of which will be on the test, and studying presentations by my classmates, which will be another question. I have not yet read my *notes*, although answering the questions required quite a bit of going back anyway. There will be a few short answer questions and at least a couple ginormous questions on the test, so oh dear.

I am fucking tired.

I'm going to go get a few hours of sleep, then in the morning I'll do a dry run through of answering the problems, and read as much of my notes as I can. The exam is at 2, thankfully, not 9 AM.

I'd appreciate cute pictures, hugs, messages of good cheer or random cuteness, perhaps adorable Youtube videos? ANYTHING to make me smile in the morning. Please? *smiles pretty*

I love you and goodnight. *flops*

Today was kind of a weird day, very up and down! First I had my presentation for cinema on Funny Games, which went pretty well, though maybe not as spectacularly as I might have hoped. I walked out of class with Prof Moss, Dave, and James (aka the trifecta of AWESOME) though and it was so fun to just walk and chat with all of them. They're all such smart, funny guys. (And all very, very taken. Of course!) Prof Moss (I feel like I should call him Jeremy, but that still feels weird!) and Dave were headed to get something to eat, and kinda made an open invite to James and I. I said, "Can I skip my quiz?" and Prof Moss was like "Sure!" and then grinned all mischievous-like. It put a massive smile on my face, the whole thing.

But then I had to go to take a quiz in Analytical Chem. /o\ The quiz did not go very well (I was stuck with an inadequate calculator) and then she handed back our tests and I got an 80. AFTER the 5 point curve. That was kind of, like, a punch to the gut, because I got a 99 on the last test. So... an 80? Seriously? ///o\\\ I did better on my last BIOCHEM test! *sighs*

Then I went to grab lunch and ran into this kid from my cinema class. He lead the discussion in the other group (we're split in two on Wednesdays) and we had chatted about it before, so we asked each other how it went, etc. And this kid, okay, he's a little baby freshman and all blonde and fresh faced and earnest and I kinda adore him, and I'm prettttty sure he has a crush on me. He made a big deal of recounting how he had mentioned me during his discussion to include something I had told him about the movie, and how Prof Moss had apparently reacted noticeably to this? IDK IT WAS KINDA WEIRD. But also really precious and I wanted to ruffle his hair, hee.

THEN I had my LAST day of biochem lab, omg. :O The last day doing experiments, to be exact. It was actually pretty fun, because we've started playing music through the ceiling speakers (the lab's in our brand new massive life sciences building, so it's got all these gadgets) and everyone kinda dukes it out over who picks the next song, and it's generally just funny and fun. I enjoyed it! Our experiment results weren't terribly valuable, but eh. And then Prof Mehl gave back our second lab reports and I got an A/A-! Hurrah! I might pull off an A- in this class after all! \o/

So I guess it was mostly a good day, except for Analytical YUCK YUCK. >:(

Then I came home to find the internet all aroil (I don't really have an opinion, except to be overwhelmed by the VERY strong opinions coming from BOTH sides of the issue on my flist... I'm not used to division on my flist!) and it's REALLY COLD OUTSIDE and I finally went grocery shopping and have FOOD and TEA, and I filled out a bit more of my UCSF grad school application (they have some professors doing work that looks FASCINATING), and then had a mini existential crisis at Michelle about WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH MY LIFE OH GOD?!???? Because I can't picture myself as a research scientist, really, but I ALSO can't picture myself as anything else, and it's all very upsetting. /o\ I've been joking about changing my major to film, but HONESTLY, I get so much more engaged and excited in my classes that aren't chemistry! Idkkkk.

Tomorrow I have to seriously accomplish shit with my research. It's scary.

I JUST WANNA HIDE UNDER A DESK WITH NOEL AND RUSSELL UNTIL PEACE COMES.

/insane rambling.

PS MICHELLE IS THE BEST PERSON EVER. WE SHOULD FEED HER CORN MUFFINS. BECAUSE THEY PLEASE HER.

1) I GET TO GO BACK TO DUBLIN. TO LIVE. AND BE PAID. AND DO AWESOME CHEMISTRY. AND SNOG IRISH BOYS. FOR FOUR YEARS.
1b) This exponentially increases my chances of marrying an Irish lad. For the motherfucking win.
1c) This also condemns me to probably never seeing Panic at the Disco (OR MCR ;____;) play EVER AGAIN. (If by ever you mean probably once or twice in those four years, which, um, I do.) Rock Band Tour better be mothertrucking good, boys.
1d) DUBLINNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ♥_______♥

2) The first chemistry paper that my name has ever been on was published online yesterday! Take a look! That's MY NAME on the AMERICAN CHEMICAL SOCIETY website!!! Bweee!

3) Mehl continues to be ridiculous and hilarious and awesome. Today in class, he asked us why we study enzyme kinetics. When Ross gave a completely bullshit answer, Mehl answered, "Okay. Everyone close their eyes. Now... visualize a pixie." I SHIT YOU NOT. A PIXIE. He spent TEN MINUTES on this metaphor, okay. "The pixie is in the Enchanted Forest. But humans cannot get into the Enchanted Forest! So how do you know what the pixie's doing? What the pixie likes to eat? How the pixie moves? What the digestion period of a pixie is?" This was punctuated by baffled and snarky comments from we, the audience. He rode over them all. "So of course you have to lure the pixie out of the forest, put it in a glass box, and lock it in your basement!" (GABE SAPORTA APPROVES.) "Then, you feed the pixie! You overfeed it or you starve it. You poke it, prod it. Chop off its arm! See what happens!" And meanwhile I am just loling and loling. TEN MINUTES OF THAT SHIT. And he finishes with, "We are not pixie anthropologists. We are pixie physiologists." OH DOCTOR MEHL. ♥

4) Fenlon is... completely absent. He's in the throes of his tenure application, and he's really stressed out and worried about it. He blew off our weekly meeting today. Poor guy! I hope it goes well for him. I haven't even told him I'm, uh, doing my PhD in Dublin! Last he knew I wasn't even considering a PhD! Um, whoops? :P In good news though, my research has finally produced the right product (I THINK) and we're almost ready to move on to the next step \o/

5) Tomorrow is the research fair for all summer projects, including mine! Then I have lab, and then I get in the car to drive to NYC to see MADDY!! and PADDY!!!! Paddy has not yet called me, even though he was supposed to arrive in NYC YESTERDAY, and I am worried, but not particularly surprised. It's extremely Irish of him, to promise to call and then... not. I bet he'll call tomorrow night some time so we can plan up when and how we're meeting on Saturday morning. *hands* This weekend is probably going to be expensive (gas, train into city, taxi to wherever, food for the day and probably going out at night with Maddy and friends) but you know what? It's worth it. Paddy is high in my top ten favorite people in the WORLD, and it is going to absolutely make my month to see his shining face. And tell him I'm moving back to Dublin! I really can't wait.

6) The West Wing continues to blow my socks off my feet. Joshhhhhhhhh ♥ Saaaaaaaaaaam ♥ Donnnnaaaaaaa ♥ Ceeeejaaaay ♥ etceteraaaaa :D

7) At this point, this entry is just rambling! I do want to say though that finding out that I'm going back to Dublin has put all the bounce back in my step. When I was stressing and worrying about what I was going to do for my future, I was simultaneously stressing about school work, and nothing was good. Now, if I get a little bogged down in stuff, I stop and think, "Dublin." And then I'm smiling again. Perhaps it's not healthy to go through your senior year thinking only of it ending, but I don't think that will be the case. I can appreciate my time here all the much better, appreciate having Michelle and Rob in my life to the fullest. The knowledge that I will be picking up my life in Dublin means that I don't have to spend half my time mourning it, as I was before. Now I can look at the pictures on my wall and smile because I will be there again! I will get to go back to Fibbers with Dara and Paul and Richard and Niall and Colin and Conor and Barry. I will get to go to real Irish pubs with Niall and Paddy and Ronan and Louise and Bridget Ann and Sinead. I will get to walk the cobblestones of Trinity, wander among the flowers and ponds of St Stephens Green, amble down Grafton Street, appreciate the fine stouts at the Porterhouse, dance the night away at Doyle's, and spend ridiculous hours in the Sci Fi room, all with people that I love.

Life is pretty damn good.

I am in a bizarrely chipper mood, considering how ridiculous this day is! I think getting actual sleep (5 hours last night PLUS the three hour nap, which is totally valid) and a dash of JOSH LYMAN in the morning does wonders for my mood.

I am right now in my independent research lab, really really quickly doing a test to determine if my reaction is done. I am simultaneously eating my lunch. Yes this is dangerous; no I don't care. I finished my two lectures for the morning 15 minutes ago, and I have Biochem lab in 15 minutes, followed by a guest speaker on grad school, more work in the lab, and finishing my big biochem problem set. See? RIDICULOUS DAY. And yet I'm all Lalala and bopping along to Helena on the lab computer and it's GORGEOUS outside and Prof Moss continues to be ADORABLE and I finally am satisfying my craving with good Sam/Josh (thank you fairestcat!!!) and it's WEDNESDAY which means it's much closer to Friday than Tuesday was!

HOW ARE YOU MY LOVELY FLIST? :D

Obama is coming to speak on my campus tomorrow!!!

:D :D

I'm happy because it's one of the very few afternoons I have (mostly) free, so I can actually go! Yay! Campus is going to be CRAZY tomorrow; I bet it will be really cool though. OBAMA YAY!!! :D

I'm just sitting and staring at this entry. What else do I have to say? Oh yeah! Today was the first day of classes! It went quite well. My first class was Language of Cinema - I think it's going to be a lot of fun, as well as a breeze. The professor is a young, cute, film-geeky enthusiastic guy who gushed EFFUSIVELY about The Wire, which we will be spending our last week of class on. I adore him already omg. :D Then I had analytical chemistry, which was dry but could be interesting.

And THEN I had Advanced Biochemistry lab! To my joy, it's located in our new multimillion dollar life sciences building, which is so so awesome and snazzy and COOL, so I get a break from the dreary yellow chemistry labs. Also, it will make what will no doubt be a VERY HARD lab more bearable. Especially as sometimes we will likely be in there for 6 or 7 hours. Oy. Anyway, Prof Mehl (who is a complex guy - very sweet and friendly when he wants to be, but can flare up without warning, very sarcastic and likes to tease, and also expects a LOT and thus inspires a scary reputation) started the lab by asking us to get into three equal sized lab groups. There was a lot of hemming and hawing because the way we were sitting meant one person had to move, but nobody wanted to. Finally Shigeki did, and then Mehl told us that he already had groups, he just wanted to see what we'd do. *FACEPALM* Oh, MEHL. I laughed. I'm already more fond than scared, though I could eat those words very. soon.

Then he gave us three hand outs, and everyone kind of sat quietly, waiting for him to start talking. Then he looks up from his paper, like he just remembered we were there, and says, "Oh, I'd suggest you get started." !!!! Ahahaha, oh DEAR. Then followed some flailing (on my part) but a member of my group is very familiar with the methods of biochemistry and was able to guide us through it. Mehl finally sat us down for a brief lecture about the aims of our labwork. Basically it's one project through the whole semester, and it seems really really cool. We're synthesizing proteins with unnatural amino acids in them, in specific combinations that no one has done before! :O Basically he's using us to do his research, haha. But it seems really cool and hopefully I won't *actually* die from the stress.

I'm giving Mehl his own tag because I can already tell this class is going to be an epic, epic thing. Much like orgo was my sophomore year, for any of you who remember that. I think I have dozens of entries chronicling my flail in that class, hee.

I'm still terrified of my independent project. I'M NOT SMART/CREATIVE ENOUGH OH GOD.

OBAMA!!!!!!!