one more miracle

Thanks to the absolutely wonderful pencil_tricks and hermioneluna, both of whom really get me, I have finally produced a personal statement for my grad school applications that I'm very proud of. (For those who may not be aware, I'm applying to four schools for PhD programs in Biochemistry or Chemical Biology.) I figure, I have an entire group of writers and readers at my fingertips, so why not make use of them? Thus, I come soliciting your advice!

Tell me anything you think is relevant - tone, flow, grammar, content, whether you feel it accurately reflects me. I just want multiple eyes on this before I rest my ENTIRE FATE OH GOD on its shoulders.

Thanks so much in advance guys!

( Personal statement within! )

Hi flist! So I might have mentioned a little while ago that I was given an assignment to write a short essay about my undergraduate research experience and how it contributed to my education. The possible use of this essay is vague; admission materials were mentioned. Anyway, I just sat down and banged it out tonight, because that's how I write, at least for shortish things - I start and then I finish, with little break in between, or else I feel incomplete. Anyway, I was wondering if maybe you, my beautiful flist, with your lovely ways with words, would be willing to take a look at it for me? It is quite short, under 1000 words, and I wrote it very informally, like a story. I'd appreciate input on tone, flow, grammar, anything you feel might be improved. Even if you have no concrit, I'd love reactions of any kind, as I am kind of nervous about sending this out into the world!

Thanks in advance, loves <3

( A Mile in Shoes That Don't Fit )